Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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