My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
