you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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