Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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