summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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