69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
