the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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