You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
