worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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