I got chris browned last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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