Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
