in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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