my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize