I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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