If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
