If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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