We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
