I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
