Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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