is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize