Im at strip club and am horny
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
