Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
