All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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