Im at strip club and am horny
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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