Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
