I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
