I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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