Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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