Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
