I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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