Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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