My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this just has baby written all over it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
