just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
