Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize