I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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