I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We left the knife in your bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
