Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
