Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
