Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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