And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
