That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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