In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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