don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I had to cum in my sink.
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