So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
