Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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