dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
