it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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