got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
