last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
