I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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