Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
