Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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