If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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