and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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