Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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