So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
