Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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