He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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