We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
