I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
