A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
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I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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