he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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