My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this will be a night to untag.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
