whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
