I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
