next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
