I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
