I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
