Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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