haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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