No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize