I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
