Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
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