Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
