i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
