My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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