Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
