And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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