How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
