The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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