I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
