I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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