So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
