dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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