Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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