I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
