Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
