i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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