I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
