as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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