You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
