just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
