Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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