I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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