This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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