He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
