he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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