They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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