worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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